Saturday, August 19, 2017

My Atheism


Here, and finally I will discuss about my Atheism. Many days ago there's a viral about picture of Atheists group get together, chilling and drink in peace at somewhere in Kuala Lumpur (if I'm not mistaken). The picture is posted by Atheist Republic page on Facebook. Since Malaysia is a religious country, the religious citizens trying to cramming those Atheists like they are criminals. 

You see, this is why Islamophobia exist among us including me sometimes. This is why blasphemers happen. I was thought that Islam is the only religion that make people hate and being hated and I was wrong, I mean Christian also included. Most people judge the others according to their religion taboos. That's why I never believe that people say "bla bla bla" is nothing to do with their religion. Yes, it is related indeed! 

Before I become an Atheist, I was a skeptic. At the age of 13 (or younger I don't remember) I doubted about the existence of God. My Ustazah used to said to us, that people already a murtad even they just trying to deny/questioning the God existence inside their mind (I mean we don't even allowed to think doubt about God). My Ustazah also used to said that those murtads who still with their apostasy decision after being three times of religious talk (or religious re-educate) should be killed. I was like, quiet all the time thinking that something I believed disappointing me so much which I was though that.. different. 

Then, I just act like nothing or maybe because I'm still young at that time. I try not to care about that thing and force myself to believe well it is clearly shows that I was a blindly follower. But, poorly.. I was not a good religious girl and I can't even fit with all their rules. Being hypocrite and being judged by those religious was part of my life until I finish my study. I wish I could share more but I'm afraid people will misunderstood my story. Some people who know me well in school doesn't know the real me because I'm a good actor. I can pretend holy in school and be myself at home otherwise people will talk bad about me. 

I didn't mean to say bad things about Muslim, it is just some of them who messed their own people. I know about this because I used to be treated like a rubbish by some Christians because they hate Muslim Malay so much (they don't know the real me and just assuming everything about me through my Islamic name on my Identity Card). Well, it is hurt actually because I'm Malay and of course I used to force myself to stick in this religion just because I started to hate the Christian ideas. But I can't just believe, you know.. 

Why me? 


I never harm any other religious people. I never influencing them to follow me which I think I rather be in minority with high quality, but I'm pretty sure that oneday there will be other religious people come and condemning people like me, debating something that I don't interested to, for their sake and satisfaction. I'm not type of people who easy to react with something typical and I'm not good in debating because of my language problems. 

If they want to win, well take that. I just want to live free and happily, get married, children, have a good job, travelling, and of course do a lot of charities not because of God, but with my willingness.