I put so much envy to the people who pretty in real life and also pretty in the picture or video. No matter how candid the photo is, they still look so beautiful. I'm so much impress to the some girls outside there who become a model or join the beauty competition will full of confident, and maybe it's funny when I say, I wish that I can be like them maybe one day? I also get jealous with the other girls who lucky to have handsome young, nice and rich guy as their husband, the girls who can buy anything they want, the girls who achieve their body goal, the girls who have talent to do cute doll makeup, the girls who clever and smart, the girls who already succeed in their careers, the girls who loved by everyone and the girls who admired by all people.
I'm not talking about the perfect girl because I know that person is never exist. Well, at least they able to manage one of them. Unlike me and the others who unlucky. I don't mean to show that I'm such a jerk who never be grateful with everything that I already have, I'm saying about the truth. The fact is not all people are lucky. Some of them get those things naturally, some of them require sacrifices and the rest should "be not complain, accept it, and pretend like we are beautiful just the way we are. Otherwise, we will be condemned by saying that we are lazy"
One thing I love so much about myself is, I'm strong person. I'm strong enough to face the reality that I'm not the person that I always dream to be. I'm strong enough trying not to put the blame on people or even God (when I was believing in Him) for making me like this. I know, there's must be someone there who have worse life than mine. But I also have no confident about myself. I'm not saying that I'm pretty, in contrast, there were some people who never see me face to face used to asked me to join them to do some photoshoot and I didn't respond them not because I'm trying to be proud to myself, I'm actually so damn excited but when I deeply think about it, I'm afraid I will disappoint them because I'm not exactly what I am in my selfie photos.
Different angle, different result. This angle make me look so mum and matured
Maybe, I'm a bit photogenic person but mostly I fail in candid. Do you know that I was an "ugly stone" in my school? I am a "stone" because I was an invisible to everybody at that time or even some girls treat me like a puppet because I didn't fight them back. I don't know how to call it, is that a just bully or smart bully? Because you can't see it unless you are in my shoes.