Friday, August 15, 2014

My boyfriend

I remember when I still newbie in this blogspot around 2010 and I used to like so much posting the entries about Carlson. I was felt excited because he's the only guy at that time who really close to me in my life other than my family. We met, we touched each other and we have a real conversation like I always did to my girl friends. He's the first of everything to me. Yes, I did reviewed my old entries and I feels like I want to vomit because can't believe what I have done to myself. But, like I said, you have to make mistake in a way to make you become matured. I never get into any relationship until I reach 20, I was a nerd, like study but not smart. My relationship with my first boyfriend only lasted for one year, and then I meet Carlson. I used to felt in love with him so deep, we texted a lot and I was so naive because it was my first time meet someone who cares a lot about me, who control me because of his love, a person who I can talk anything without even worry about backstabber and it was my first time I feel so comfortable be with someone who have different gender than me.

When everything was my first time, I became noob and not matured in my relationship. I was craved an attention, I posted everything about him on Facebook even posted about stupid things I guess, I was became emotional and very sensitive, I was weak, cried a lot, hurting myself and became so insecure. That time, he used to stalked my Facebook and my blog everyday, so I did everything just to make him see me. That was then, now he never do that anymore and I'm perfectly fine with it. I don't mind. 

Before I get into any relationship, I am a person who easily to get annoyed with love and couple. I used to hate couple and I used to hate guys. To me that time, I didn't mind if one day I will become single and forever. I used to thought that I don't need a man in my life. They only look for pretty girl, they only look for sex and they demand so much. But, when I think twice about that, I'm also a demand person. I have my own specific criteria of prince charming. Well, in conclusion, we're just the same. I know I was so judgmental person who judge so bad because I was so religious. Now, I'm still judging people around me but I always consider them and try to imagine by put myself into their shoes. To have a boyfriend is not so bad as long as you don't put yourself into trouble like you know... I always let myself to explore everything so one day I will not get culture shock and I learn so much things from my experiences. People with closed minded maybe protected but they surely can't survive in the real world once the protection leak.

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