Thursday, September 29, 2016

The peace of soul


We always heard that people who embrace Islam finally find their own "peace". In Malaysia, that thing is so damn typical for all the muallafs since Islam is official religion in peninsular Malaysia. Like Stacy and Felixia Yeap, some of them claim that both of the women want to convert because they want to get married with a muslim man which is compulsory for non-Muslim to convert in a way to get married with muslim in this country. To me, That's should be no problem at all because they are still "willing to" even though they don't want. You know, like people always said, love is about tolerance and sacrificing. I mean, if they truly love their God, they won't convert!

I'll keep all of this inside my box and wish to forget everything about it

Well, different than me. I just follow my way. My peace is when I let go what I can't hold, what make me truly hurt so I don't have to die with it. Yes, I've been forced to believe something taht I don't. I've been forced in everything trust me it is really hurt my mind and my soul. Of course I've been so depressed in so many years especially when I'm still in primary and secondary school because if I didn't do that, I have no friends and they will isolating me. I used to be treated like this when I was in kindergarden, not because of my faith but you know, I'm so ugly and my skin was full of scars because my mom hurted my face and my body using her nails when she's too emotional and she's still young, 21 years old I guess. But I still love my mother so much!

This will become a memories to me

I'm also type of person who like to question everthing to a certain people like my dad and friends until some people around me become so fedup, I guess. Sometimes, my questions can be unanswerable or hard to answer, I don't know. My history teacher used to told us "Don't asking too much about our religion, so many things that we cannot answer about it..". She said that, because her friend was commit suicide during her degree due to think too much until she stressed out about the existance of God and religion. LOL. That's not because of too much thinking, but because we're too much stress and take really serious about it. We just take the wrong path!

I think "Only God knows" is not relevant anymore in this era. We can discover more than this just we don't have an advance technology for this thing. Thats why we must have a knowledge, who knows it will answer all of our unanswerable questions one day.

You know, peace is not belong to any religion actually. When we let our soul to be what they wanted to be, that's the peace! Now, I realize how much important of freedom is. Before, I always think that freedom is just a piece of shit for bad people who want to be free to do what they want to do according to my ustaz (teacher who teach religion things to us). I just hope Sarawak can be free like other secular country and I can be myself and reach all of the peace. I don't want to be the old me.


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