Friday, January 13, 2017

My dream

I've been sitting in front of my PC wondering if I have something to say here and today. Thinking that I only have two more years before I reach 30 and seems like I will fail in my life. I can't get what I want, I can't be what I want, and I can't be with someone I love. Such pathetic.

You know, I have a very big dream. I'm hoping too much for my dream. It is not easy even though I work so hard for it since I also need to considering people surround me. I'm afraid people will hurt me because I no longer believe what they believe. I'm a freethinker, I'm sexy woman, I support gay marriage, I support secularism and liberalism. I can't help myself from being too open minded. Since people around me are close minded by their religions and cultural, I just can't get away from all their hatred and scare if one day they will harm me, like a  radical Muslims group at UK trying to kill some of apostates family.

Second thing is my ambition. Our country economy seems like hopeless. It is also been 2 days our Chief Minister Adenan Satem passed away. Scare what might happen after this to my Sarawak state. We all Sarawakians afraid if one day our destiny will become exactly just like Sabah people (a lot of discrimination of religions and illegal immigrants).

Third thing is about someone I love. I hate my "now" commitment. I put my loyalty so much with the wrong person. I trust a liar. I wish that I'm strong enough to move on but I need to give back what they gave to me first. I always wanted a good man in my life, treat me better and love me so much just like I love him. The best part about him, is when he protect me from evil people, judgmental bitches, or even if I'm wrong, he will stay here to support me. I'm not a woman who demand for religious man. I wish he's just like me, he don't care about stupid things. He just care about me and our future. Matured is the most important thing that he must have in a way to guide childish woman like me. When I get mad, he'll be patient and tolerated. When I cry, enough with hug and kisses.

How about money? Of course money is important. Comfortable is important, and also included love. My dream looks like so simple but the goal hard to achieve. I guess dream is just a dream.

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